Utilizing Feedback in Coaching Presence
The most important step of coaching is awareness. What I really want to know at the start of an engagement is not only what an executive or manager has been told (i.e. the feedback and evaluation tools) but more importantly, what he or she has heard. There is usually a significant difference in the two.
Too often the people giving feedback try to solve the gap at the same time they point it out. So most people I see come not only with feedback but also with someone’s recommendation of how they solve their communication issue. As you might imagine, those recommendations are remembered more than the feedback itself. That’s why I see many people trying to do the wrong thing with the best of intentions.
For example, take a young manager who operates at top speed. He has a lot of energy and in customer meetings he rushes through things. He talks fast, he interrupts the customer to share ideas, and he squirms in his seat while he’s listening.
The sales director gives him this feedback and tells him that he has to slow down. To help him the director “recommends” he should try counting to five before he says anything. (This is an ill-advised technique for pausing.) With the best of intentions, the director may have made matters worse because the manager is still rushing, he still interrupts, and he still squirms. But now, we can see him thinking about something else before he speaks.
This is a classic example of giving recommendations with feedback. The feedback is good; it identifies many of the distracters that the director experienced. The recommendation is not good. Instead, our coaching would be to get the young manager to settle, slow down, and focus on listening to the customer. Listening is really the key to help the manager understand why his style isn’t working.
Presence coaching is difficult. It requires a clear understanding of where the current perceptions and impressions originated. Actually, the coaching candidate doesn’t have to agree with the feedback or assessment. He only has to accept the impressions or perceptions that led to the feedback.
Once there is buy-in to those impressions, you can chart a course for what it will take to change them or strengthen them.
