When Feedback is a Setback

We’ve all heard the adage: feedback is a gift. And in most cases, it is. But the gift itself is sometimes overlooked. Most of us think feedback is a gift because it tells us how we’re doing and how we can improve. We think of feedback as a performance measure because it’s often packaged within a performance review. But the greatest gift of feedback is the insight it provides into someone else’s perspective.

And the further along you are in your career journey, the more that perspective matters.

Early in a career, feedback tends to tie to one manager’s thinking. Performance is about skills as you learn and settle into an individual contributor role. But as careers progress, feedback shifts from skills to impact and from deliverables to influence.

Unfortunately, it’s also when feedback becomes less frequent. It’s harder to give feedback about impressions and impact. It’s more nuanced and subjective. People managers can’t look at a list of eight skills and tell you that you “check the box on six and need to improve on two.” Impressions are more relational. Do people enjoy working with you? Are you able to resolve conflict in meetings? Do you respect ideas of others, or do you do all the talking?

Feedback becomes less frequent just as the impact of those impressions matter most. And that’s when feedback can be a setback.

Once you hit a mid-management level, a single people leader doesn’t control career advancement. People leaders work in groups to discuss expectations, career advancement and succession. And impressions lead the conversation. How have a group of leaders experienced you? Have you had visibility across a management team – or only with one leader? Do they see flexibility in your skills? Could they move you from one area to another to accelerate impact?

Those impressions have been taking shape over time and if you and your manager haven’t talked about them, you may be behind or misaligned. Often, it can be an unexpected roadblock to what you’d like to do next.

So, what can you do about it?

• First, ask for feedback on impressions
• And second, follow three steps to manage feedback effectively

People leaders don’t give great feedback on impressions because it’s a harder conversation to lead. When people managers share impressions or input from others, they don’t always have clear ideas on how to get beyond it. To position an impression, they talk more broadly and less specifically, which can make it hard to change an impression.

That’s why some managers avoid this feedback and let the impression linger. That’s harder because it can build over time and become more challenging for you to address if it’s taken hold. You need this feedback, and if it isn’t a part of how your manager shares feedback today, you should broaden the conversation and ask for it.

If this has happened to you, you’re not alone. More than 75% of seasoned managers don’t have a full view of their brand and impact within an organization. It’s why most of our coaching engagements include a verbal assessment to better understand impressions, strengths and blind spots. If it isn’t something that you’ve done recently, it’s a helpful view into your brand within an organization.

And that leads to the second point. There are three things you can do to signal you’re open and appreciative of receiving subjective feedback.

First, own it. Our instinct when someone shares an impression is to react to it. And the first step to encourage an open conversation is to avoid that.

Your manager might say: “John, I wasn’t in the meeting, but I’ve heard that you were defensive as others tried to give input to our rollout plan for the integration.”

All of us want to jump in quickly and say:

“No, I wasn’t defensive. I just felt like they didn’t understand the timeline and so I went back through it.”

A quick reaction signals that you’re not really listening. You’re solving it…which your manager reads as dismissive of the feedback. Instead, listen fully. Allow your manager to get the full thought out before you respond. He or she is literally trying to share how people experienced you in a meeting. You need to fully hear it.

Pause, listen and ask for more.

Because chances are when someone tells your manager, you are resistant, they tell your manager more. If you cut off the conversation too quickly, you’ll shut down the most important part of the feedback.

Instead, own the comment and try to understand the perspective.

EX: If someone felt I was defensive, how did that impact the ideas that they were trying to share with me?

Second, clarify it.

From a manager’s perspective, this conversation is less about solving for impressions and more about raising awareness.

Once the manager has framed the impressions, you may have questions to better understand the group’s reaction or impact. Avoid getting too tactical about yourself yet. Seek deeper understanding to learn if your manager has heard this feedback before. Is it broader than one meeting? Has your manager experienced it before? Does your manager have another example?

Keep yourself in discovery mode. It’s an open conversation with your manager, not an interrogation. And the more insight that they share, the more you can process what may be leading to the impressions.

And third, resolve it.

Impressions don’t get solved overnight. Working on how others perceive you and interact with you can be a hard shift to make.

The manager’s goal was to start with awareness, not resolution. And you need some time to think about what you’ve heard. You may even validate it with input from others.

Impressions may take months to reset. Most people need a plan to become more intentional about showing up differently. In this meeting, gain a commitment from your manager of when you’d like to come back and share your thoughts on how to resolve it.

External coaching can be a great resource. Working through feedback, impressions and overall impact in an organization is one of the most effective ways to use a coach. If feedback has set you back or hasn’t even been offered, we’d love to help you gain awareness of your brand and your opportunities to continue to advance.

Also Read: Are You Being Cautious with Feedback?

Join Sally for a Group Coaching Session on June 17 at 10:30am ET!

 

Are You Being Cautious with Feedback?

If your answer is yes, you’re in line with many managers who say they’re trying to avoid conflict and more disruption on their teams. And it’s no wonder. Last week’s US Chamber of Commerce reported 10 million job openings in the US. On many teams, managers are missing resources, and they worry that giving direct and honest feedback may make an employee want to quit.

They’ve decided that an average or a below-average employee is better than another unfilled position. Some say the bar is lower on expectations to keep people in roles. And they’ve made a lot of concessions to keep employees happy. So, they’re cautious with feedback and they allow missed deadlines, missed meetings and a host of other behaviors to take place.

It’s a short-term action…with long-term side effects.

Every manager who has done this knows it isn’t a great solution. But few understand the deeper impact of allowing a team member to “just get by” or to take advantage of a tight job market.

The side effects start with the impact on everyone else. Other team members often pick up the slack when someone isn’t doing their job well. They’re also observing a manager who isn’t willing to have tough conversations. And it’s demotivating to high performers to see that doing well doesn’t really matter since it’s OK not to do well. Unintentionally, managers lower the bar for everyone when they allow even one to slide under the bar.

And there’s a tremendous side effect on the managers themselves. In our feedback workshops, we calculate how much time a manager spends on an underperforming employee. It’s a lot. In some cases, managers are spending twice as much time on these employees as everyone else. In other cases, they’re literally doing the work themselves to avoid conflict. And in both cases, it’s not the best use of the manager’s time if the employee’s work isn’t improving.

The lack of feedback can also have side effects on the employee themselves. When managers don’t give honest feedback, they’re setting a precedent that someone else will have to undo in the employee’s next role.

Here’s the real question: How bad would it be if an underperforming employee decided to quit?

Overnight, managers would go from one unfilled position to two. And depending on the size of the team that may cause projects to be realigned or deadlines to be pushed out. But the side effects also go away. Managers immediately notice the ease of the burden. And other team members feel it as it validates that you do value hard work because you weren’t willing to allow the lack of it.

Feedback is essential. Everyone on a team needs it. But it isn’t always easy. It can be a challenging conversation, and because many managers dread it, they often miss a few steps that would make feedback a better experience from both perspectives.

Here are a few of our coaching steps to manage feedback conversations.

Uncover the WHY – Managers are stretched and rushed. And because they’re rushed trying to fix problems, they jump into these conversations and focus on literally what happened and how to resolve it. They often miss the WHY behind a problem. And when you don’t know why something happened, you can never be sure that you’ve improved on it or solved a challenge.

Assess Skills Vs Behaviors – Managers often approach every challenge as if it’s a skill gap. Someone didn’t understand how to do something or doesn’t feel confident in the way they’re going about it. But that isn’t always the case. Sometimes, employees choose to not do things well or let things drop because they don’t see the value or don’t like the toll of the work. And it’s happening more often because some employees have come back to the workforce simply for a paycheck.

If the conversation begins with discovery behind the why, managers can quickly assess whether the problem occurred because of a skill gap or a behavior choice. It’s an important distinction in order to get to the right actions.

And unfortunately, a virtual work setting makes it easier to disguise some of the behavior choices. So, managers need to invest the time to prepare for these conversations in order to get honest responses and reactions from an employee.

Listen More, Talk Less – Talk less as a manager. The more a manager talks, the more they’re owning the problem. A feedback discussion reveals insights that can help an employee get to better outcomes. But it can’t be prescriptive. If a manager tells an employee how to solve something, the manager is giving direction more than feedback. Allow the employee to participate in the solution and define the action that changes it.

Move Beyond It. The fear of losing employees is real. And it may be less about the conversation itself and more about the impact it has on the emotions of an individual afterward. Everyone on the team observes that. The manager has the power to reset interaction and move an employee and a team beyond it. Don’t allow awkwardness or distance between you and the employee. Show interest in them personally and reset the group to an engaging and warm environment. Every employee watches the manager to gauge temperature. When a manager illustrates that they’re not holding onto emotion or frustration toward an employee, even when there is a gap or challenge with their work, the team exhales and moves beyond it.

Feedback is a gift. Assume best intentions from everyone on your team. Listen for the WHY at the start of the conversation and adjust the conversation to involve the employee in working through a solution. Set parameters, timing and a check-in to get to a resolution.

And if you’re a manager who feels a little cautious with feedback, call us and we’ll give you the tools to prepare for the tougher conversations.

We’re here when you need us!

Want a free 15-minute consultation with us to see how we can help you or your leaders? Book a call now!